Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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