Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
