The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
