I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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