I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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