Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
