wat bout pragnant strippers??
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
