I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize