it was like his penis was on wheels.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
