i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
