just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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