Your tits are I can't wait for
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
