We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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