Umm I'm too high to move.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD