Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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