Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!