Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell