Texts From Last Night

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  (212): View more from New York

  so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.

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  (212): so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is. http://tfl.nu/r3y5
  Replies (8) Good night (806) Bad night (1424)
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  (949): View more from California

  okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?

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  (949): okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong? http://tfl.nu/d7ju
  Replies (48) Good night (1588) Bad night (4539)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.

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  (757): Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed. http://tfl.nu/t0jo
  Replies (13) Good night (3619) Bad night (607)
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  (845): View more from New York

  It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.

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  (845): It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time. http://tfl.nu/ka3h
  Replies (7) Good night (2577) Bad night (695)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be

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  (507): Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be http://tfl.nu/9ozv
  Replies (29) Good night (4562) Bad night (618)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  "Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to

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  (804): "Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to http://tfl.nu/kp09
  Replies (14) Good night (4285) Bad night (943)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided

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  (609): Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided http://tfl.nu/mbmq
  Replies (6) Good night (4837) Bad night (1676)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"

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  (615): She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits" http://tfl.nu/yc53
  Replies (9) Good night (2805) Bad night (1047)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.

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  (401): Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one. http://tfl.nu/yysi
  Replies (4) Good night (4095) Bad night (573)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.

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  (740): If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure. http://tfl.nu/7lqe
  Replies (5) Good night (1891) Bad night (991)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.

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  (541): I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out. http://tfl.nu/wy42
  Replies (11) Good night (682) Bad night (1071)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here

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  (319): Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here http://tfl.nu/2efd
  Replies (3) Good night (407) Bad night (949)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.

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  (+44): When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies. http://tfl.nu/0fef
  Replies (8) Good night (1544) Bad night (322)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...

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  (970): It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me... http://tfl.nu/tknp
  Replies (5) Good night (192) Bad night (686)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"

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  (630): The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card" http://tfl.nu/vfda
  Replies (2) Good night (474) Bad night (114)

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