The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me