That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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