tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
