if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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