I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
