There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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