So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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