Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
