anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
