Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
