Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
