ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
