i just google imaged poop.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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