I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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