xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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