I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
