There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
