We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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