Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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