only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
