How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
