READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
