So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
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walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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