Are we in a gay sports bar?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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