I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in