Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer