I CAN MOONWALK!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
