so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
