The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
FUCK WHALES
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