We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
