You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
