I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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