this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
