Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
