Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
