She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
