Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
