I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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