CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
