She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
