It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
