does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
