Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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