a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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