i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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