so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
