Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
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So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize