This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
