you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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