The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
