so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
