im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
