the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
