I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
