First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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