dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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