mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
