so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
