you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
