4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
