I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize